Strap Perfect - Dictated by Dr. James "Heraldo" Johnson, PhD Disclaimer: He is not a certified physician. - Typed by Josiah "Joshua Lopez" Johnson

It was a cold Monday morning. It was actually like 98 degrees, but it was Monday, and everyone knows that the spirit of Monday is, has been, and always will be indubitably cold. I was laying in bed, when I got a phone call. I picked it up. "Yeah. Yep. No, not today. Yeah. Alright. Love you, bye." It was the wrong number. I hopped out of bed and got in my awesome pink limo, then backed into the car across the street, pulled forward with a slight turn, running into the neighbor's house, then left at a tire-screeching 3 mph. I took a drive to Wal Mart and pulled my car into the store. The manager came storming in. "What do you think you're doing?! Are you insane?! We do not drive our cars into a store!" I simply replied, "Maybe you don't, but I sure do. He was obviously scared and confused, so I gave him the courtesy of a slap to the face to snap him into shape. It didn't work. Leaving that boat sinking, I took a walk out to the parking lot. The manager's space was consumed by a small BMW. I figured it may not have been the best car on the road, but it could get me from point "A" to Point "B". With little thought and not the slightest utter of a word, I walked to the manager, snatched his keys, kicked him in the shin, and left in his car. I accelerated to highway speeds. Too bad I wasn't using the highway. I travelled in this disgusting foreign car to an elementary in town. I strolled inside uninvited. As I neared the office, the principle came to a halt directly in front of my face from a comfortable distance of 5 feet, and frowned. "I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd give this putrid, old school a visit. Way to keep it in crappy shape." I said. He replied, "I hoped I'd never have to be victim to your presence again, let alone your criticism." "Never the less," I stated, "you are far too scared of me to kick me out." "Indeed." He replied. With that polite exchange of words, I walked past him and into the nearest 1st grade classroom. "...and that concludes our lesson for now." the teacher finished up. "Hello. I can see you're still as bad at teaching as you were when I left. Too bad. These kids could have grown up to be almost decent. Now they'll never know what it's like to have average knowledge." "Wow." She said," You are so mean." I replied, "And you're a bad teacher, but I don't shove it in your face." "No I'm not, and yes you do." She said. I didn't see her point. I left the classroom and decided that my visit to this unruly school was concluded. I walked home from there, ate five sandwiches, drank a glass of water, sold my refrigerator on EBay, and went to bed. That day was over, as is this supercalifragilisticexpialidocious post. The moral of this story? None, yet again. From this point on, just forget the entire concept of morals for my stories. Just don't let it creep into your mind. And don't be surprised if the story gets nowhere and comes to an abrupt stop. Goodbye.