Mighty Bite - Dictated by Dr. James "The Chihuahua" Johnson, PhD Disclaimer: He is not a certified physician. - Typed by Josiah "The Penguin" Johnson

So you probably wet yourself with all the excitement of the last post. Well, get ready for some more urination. This took place about a year ago. I was travelling the country, looking for work. I carried a resume which disclosed that I finished two grades of school and attempted both seven times together, while giving up on only second grade, with thirty attempts. The resume also told of my jobs as elementary school inspector, which all ended up in disaster, all, of course, due to the poor schools in the area. I also carried a forged doctorate from Harvard. Who's going to know, right? So, I made my first stop at a principal's house. This, indeed, was one I had already worked for. "So, Bill," I offered, "do you think you could land me a decent job?" He replied, "My name is Steve, not Bill. And after your work here, there is no way you'll get a job." I didn't quite understand. "I'm not picking up what your putting down, there, Ed." He sighed. Wonder why. (I'm not meaning that I wonder why. I am telling you, the audience, to wonder why right now in sympathy.) "You always were a slow one." "Then explain this!" I offered. I whipped out my gold metal for first place at one of my track meets back in '88. I had him dumbfounded. "Since you're not reading the top line or the core of what I'm saying, here's the bottom line: YOU WILL NEVER GET A JOB FROM ME!!" I couldn't believe he was so incredibly jealous of my skills. I left that house, but I did not continue my job hunt elsewhere. That was a wake up call. The way he yelled and such was a strong indication that, inside, he was grasping for some skill in his administration. He wouldn't tend to the needs of the little guy inside of him, but I would. I returned with a false mustache. "No. You won't get a job from me." He slammed the door in my face. How had he known the reason for my visit? The answer came to me almost immediately after the question did. He could peer into my mind and soul through my eyes. His super powers wouldn't hinder me, though. I returned with shades. Can't see through those. "You really are persistent." he said. He must have mistaken me for another person who applied for a job there. The disguise worked. "Tell you what. I'll give you a chance. Don't screw this one up." I was in. I landed the gig. I'm not going to tell you more about this one... it's embarrassing.