Grill Daddy Pro - Dictated by Dr. James "The Johnson" Johnson, PhD Disclaimer: He is not a certified physician. - Typed by Josiah "My Bad" Johnson

Back in my days as an elementary school inspector, nothing annoyed me greater than kids not getting in trouble for their crap. I remember, once, I was sitting in on a class. The teacher of this kindergarten class asked the students what the answer was to "2+2." One kid said four and, of course, got the correct answer, but he took like five seconds! Naturally, I back-handed him in the face. Then, I scornfully scorned the teacher for not punishing him properly. Naturally, I locked her out of the classroom and began to really teach these kids. The question I began with was, "What is the difference between hydraulic and solid lifters?" The kids were positively baffled. Obviously, none of them were mechanics. If they were, they were crappy ones, and they were breaking child labor laws. So, I got really upset, but that's a given. I smacked a table into two kindergartners and threw a brick at another. I always carry one. (A brick, that is, not a kindergartner, I very rarely carry a kindergartner. They're heavy.) After that, I grabbed a jump rope and spun it around and smacked all the kindergartners in their faces. So....I got in trouble for that one. I don't know why. The principal said something along the lines of me being "too violet." I simply told him, "I'm white." He told me not to give him any "back-talk." So, I got upset and drove my truck into his house. The moral of this story: Principals are idiots and kindergartners should not be mechanics.