Smart Mop - Dictated by Dr. James "Oh My Bumblebees" Johnson, PhD Disclamer: He is not a certified physician.- Typed by Josiah "Quotes" Johnson

Back in 1969 I was drafted. Not to go to war, actually to work at Wal Mart. They were desperate for cashiers. Anyway, one day I was working the check out when I saw a group of men kid napping an old man. I approached them as any good employee would, and asked the obvious question. "Do you intend to pay for that?" "What?" one of them asked. "You heard me, don't play coy." I then proceeded to get out my price gun and look for a tag. I couldn't find one. "Price check!!" I yelled frantically. The manager came up. "Hm... well I could have sworn we were fresh out of old men, but I guess not. I'll take $3.50 for him." They only laughed, not paying any respect for a manager, managers being about 3 times more important than the president of the United States of America. Their mocking was not to be taken lightly, so I socked the ring leader right in the nose, or so I intended. I actually ended up hitting the old man, but he looked like he had it coming. "All right. You boys obviously think $3.50 is too much for this rather unorthodox purchase. But when it comes right down to it, we have to pay $1.00 for each old man from our Wal Mart slave camps, then we have to pay $1,000 in shipping costs for every 500 old men transported. Then at the camp we have to pay the slavers 40 cents for each catch, so we end up spending $3.40 on each old man, and therefore only yield a profit of 10 cents for each purchase. You wouldn't normally have much room to haggle here, but because of the low profit margin and the government cracking down hard on slavery, we're cutting the whole line of slaves. So how much would you be willing to pay?" For about 20 seconds they gave me a deep and confused stare, after which my manager broke the silence with cut-rate price offerings. "How about $3.25?" They laughed again, so I took the old man back, then prepared for a fight. It seemed strange that they only ran, until I realised I was holding my manager and they were running with the old man. "Help me!" the old man shouted. "Well that's odd." I said to my manager, "They usually give up all hope long before they even reach our stores... unless we really were fresh out of old men and that's a customer they kidnapped!" The manager slapped me on the back of the head, then said, "You really do come up with some crazy theories! Now get back to work." So I assumed my post. About 4 uneventful hours went by, and I though about it and decided he was right. They couldn't have kidnapped a real man. Then the unthinkable happened. An old lady walked out the door without paying for her head of cabbage. Naturally, I tackled her and took the cabbage. I felt proud. So, overall it was an ordinary work day.