Aqua Shot - Dictated by Dr. James "Pilates" Johnson, PhD Disclamer: He is not a certified physician.- Typed by Josiah "The Mosquito" Johnson

I used to work as a football coach for Applebee's. Yes, they have a football team, and yes, this is a 100% factual story. As far as you know. So the first day on the job the team and I were gathered in the restaurant. "Alright, Billy, you submerge around to the 9th line and throw the ball to Jimmy, then Jimmy will papfroidle the ball to Carl..." "Uh, sir, what you just said didn't make any sense. And nobody here is named Jimmy, Carl, or Billy!" snapped Billy. "Yeah!" agreed Carl and Jimmy. "Listen guys, I may have never worked in any sort of sport, watched any sport, or in any way was affiliated with a sport or gained knowledge of one, but believe me when I say that I know exactly what I'm talking about. Now, Frank, Carl is going to yodel the ball around Rufus to you, then you go for the slam dunk." Frank complained, "Coach I'm not named Frank, and with all due respect, you're not making any sense!" "No, Frank, the other team is just getting in your head, don't let them do that. Especially since if Jimmy can't make it, say he dies, then you'll have to papfroidle the ball to Carl." He asked, "Is that going to hurt?" I responded, "It's going to be more excruciating than giving birth to 50 children at the same time in 5 seconds with every bone in your body broken! Now lets get on the bus and go to the game!" We all boarded the bus. I was dead set on winning, although the team seemed to have other things on their minds, as they all looked very confused. One of the players piped up, "Who are we playing against, anyway? After all, we are a team for a restaurant!" The truth was, we weren't really working for Applebee's, there was no Applebee's team and therefore no game, and I knew nothing to do with football. I responded, "We're facing Burger King. We're working for Applebee's here, a very prestigious, and might I add existent, team, and I know everything there is to know about football! We're going to win, you believe that!" We arrived at a Burger King in Pennsylvania, and I decided I'd just throw the ball at customers and yell things at the players and they'd play. I was right. After being kicked out I had a lot of explaining to do. But I decided to explain nothing, and instead I got on the bus and went home. And that was the end of that day, and that "job". The moral of the story is, I have no clue what a papfroidle is, but I made it up and it's fun to say. Sound it out if you can't pronounce it.