Mighty Putty - Dictated by Dr. James "Kangaroo King" Johnson, PhD Disclaimer: He is not a certified physician.- Typed by Josiah "The Princess" Johnson

First and last paragraph from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
   My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt - sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
   Onlookers gave disgusted scowls at the sight of a 34 year old man weighing 316 lbs in a shirt more fitting for a 16 year old girl and a women's parka, but I wanted to be my own me, so I took pleasure in their disappointment.
   "Mom, would you roll the windows up and turn the air on? My hair is blowing all over the place," I yelled frantically. She retorted, "Oh, calm down, Norman. We're almost to the airport, you're lucky I'm letting you pick up your friend there." I was taken aback at her disrespect for my wishes. "I told you to call me Hammer of Don, mom. I know no Norman."
   She shot back, "I named you Norman Leonard Finklestein the day you were born, and that has been your name your entire life."
   "Has been!" I yelled, "But it isn't any more! My chosen and respective name is Hammer of Don, and once I scrape together the required funds, I will have my name legally changed."
   I was upset with her, but the feeling fleetingly left my mind as we rolled up to the airport. "What's up Hammer?" shouted my friend, Larry, with his trademark lisp. "Oh, not much, but this old hag is really raining on my parade today," I said while pointing at the woman I once called my mother.
   "Hey!" yelled my mom from the front seat. "Don't talk about me like that! I am your mother and you will respect me!"
   Larry and I rolled our eyes, but it was okay because this weekend was going to be a blast. We sat in the back seat on the way home, giggling and joking while we traded Magic, Pokemon, and Yu-Gi-Oh cards in the back seat.
   "You'll never guess what I found!" yelled Larry, suddenly. He pulled Exodia the Forbidden One, a rare Yu-Gi-Oh card. "I was walking in the park one day," he said, "When out of the blue, I look down and there it is, Exodia staring me right in the face. I pushed over an old man, threw a baby out of the way, and stepped on some kid's hand to get to it as fast as possible.
   An envy so great I couldn't possibly compare it to any existing standard welled up inside me. For a moment I considered opening Larry's door and shoving him out, while I kept the card for myself. My mother would be in shock, of course, and I would need to take the wheel. I never actually received a license or permit, but I drove a go kart once, and hit only a few things for the many long feet that I drove it.
   After some long thought considering what the most legal and peaceful way to obtain the card would be, I decided I would offer money for the acquisition. I quickly plunged my hand into my mother's purse, digging around for her wallet. I needed that money, so I tossed a comb, a bunch of key rings, some gum, and some pictures out the window as I dug frantically into the abyss.
  After slapping her hand away numerous times, I finally got what I wanted. I opened the wallet and grabbed a handful of hundred dollar bills. I offered the money to Larry, and he accepted graciously.
   "Hey, you can't just give away my money!" the old hag yelled from the front seat. She was always a pushover, so where others would have stopped the car and smacked me silly, she just shook her head and kept driving.
   Suddenly, Larry pulled a book from his fanny pack. "This is Twilight," he said with a dorky smile across his face, spitting in my eye. "It's basically the greatest book ever."
   "Yeah, I've read it," I said. "It was pretty cool. Who's your favorite character?" I inquired. "Jacob Black," he said back to me. Rage began to boil inside, because I was on Team Edward. Suddenly, I just blocked him out. It was pure silence. Then I took the form of a ball and rolled from the car.
   If the silence in my head lasted I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first to choose this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again...
I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.